Poor David; sometimes things can get heady around the bar at The Porker’s Sterne.

     Like I told Ian, Solo: A Star Wars Story wasn’t bad. Most of it was kind of fun until the third act, when they felt compelled to ram everything into it to remind you it was part of the Star Wars franchise. And that kind of really killed it for me.

     Well, that, and the fact that there wasn’t really any need for this film to begin with. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to see more of this universe WITHOUT fucking Jedi, Sith, proficies, empires, and all that. (Well, okay, maybe a little empire.) I was also put out a little by how the Disney machine is rewriting the whole backstory of Star Wars from what had been established the past four decades. Much like The Kessell Run, what was in place was much better, more interesting, then what passes for storytelling these days.

     The other big issue with the film, for me, was there was no agency, no risk, for Han. We know where he ends up, what he does, and even how he dies, so there’s no investing in him, at this point. Maybe that’s the fault of the story writers, though; slaves to the franchise mechanics of the 21st century. I’m not even sure we needed an origin story to begin with.

     That said, it was mostly a fun movie. Would I see it again? Maybe; if there wasn’t much else going on at that moment I bet I would. I think if Disney is going to keep doing these, though, they need to get away from the whole I’M A FUCKING STAR WARS THING SO REMEMBER IT’S ABOUT STAR WARS BECAUSE ALL STAR WARS THINGS ARE STAR WARS and find a way to market the whole of this universe outside of the limited and locked motif that these films come burdened with.

     Oh, and for the record, a parsec is defined as the distance at which one astronomical unit subtends an angle of one arcsecond, which corresponds to 648000π astronomical units. One parsec is equal to about 3.26 light-years (30 trillion km or 19 trillion miles) in length.